It would be easily to fall into the mind-think of the ‘world is against me’, ‘it’s all uphill’, ‘it’s all too hard’, ‘there’s just no time’. This year has been marked by more hard work than I think I have ever done and the feeling that I’m never free from the toil and slog. Luckily I’m a glass half full kind of girl and I try to avoid falling down rabbit holes (though sometimes you just can’t avoid them).
This week I was faced with another round of deadline reshuffles and a few more set backs. It makes me wonder why I ever bother to try and have a deadline at all, given that I’ve made one this year – Valentines Day – and well, I guess it made it because it was one of those intractable dates.
The thing is though, I don’t consider it a mark against me. I’m a believer in everything happening in its own good time.
Last year, January if I’m pegging a month, I got the clearest sign from the Universe to trust in the right motion of things. The daily scopes from Mystic Medusa said to keep an eye out for an omen. I’m usually pretty crap at pulling the wisdom of the universe when its set up to be found. And as the day went on, I just about gave up on my little morsel of Universal wisdom.
My partner had been away doing field work five hours west of Brisbane (he’d been gone two weeks) and omen day, was his day to return home. Mr D was five and desperate for his Dad to get home. Dave rang from the outskirts of the city to say he wasn’t far away. To help Mr D cope with what seemed like the longest wait, I set the timer on my phone. Dave should only have been half an hour away, but I set it to forty-five minutes just to be sure. The half hour clicked over, and then forty minutes. Next thing the alarm was going off and I trudged to the bedroom to turn it off, wondering how I was going to smooth it over with Mr D.
When I turned the alarm off I heard Mr D’s squeals of delight as Dave’s rental ute pulled up in the drive way.
My lesson was things always happen perfectly – even when they don’t look like they are. Running behind schedule isn’t running behind, its running on time, in the way the Universal has delegated.
This doesn’t mean you let go and never worry about putting up boundaries, setting deadlines and such. It just means sometimes you need to push the boundaries out a little further to accomodate life as it happens.
The first deadline for 100 Stories for Queensland coincided with the Christchurch Earthquake. The second deadline coincided with the Japanese Earthquake and Tsunami. When it was finally released in May… it was far enough away from both these disasters to be allowed its own space to shine.
Now I’m trusting all over again. LMT’s Eighty Nine is two months ‘late’, but I realise now, to run to schedule I would have missed out on several stories, which have come in late and are perfect in their own way. LMT’s Tiny Dancer will be put back a month due to staffing changes and an incessant need in me to get all my other projects cleaned up and sent to the printers before I start editing another anthology.
And in all of this… I’m surrounded by a group of like minded individuals who aren’t expected to send emails of support – but do, who aren’t expected to step up to offer help with editing, proof reading, admin – but do. Rather than feel like a total feeb who can get nothing right, I’m given the chance to feel like I’m someone doing the best I can – from one day to the next. Knowing the timing is always right.