I dared to believe at the start of the year of a better way of being. I dared to believe I could return to writing, to fall head over heels in love with it. I dared to conceive a future where depression did not dog me. I dared to think of myself as being separate from eMergent Publishing. I dared to chase my own dreams.
In late May I announced I was taking an extended sabbatical from editing and publishing to focus on writing. It’s a bit like the five year refocus. Five years ago I left editing to focus on writing and ended up founding eMergent Publishing with Paul.
Now I can say, for the first time since 2008 I am free to do anything I want… any old time, Soup Dragons style. Tomorrow I pick up my novel where I left off the weekend of the Rabbit Hole. The characters have been slowly wandering back into my head over the last week, glad to be stretching their legs and saying good-bye to the Green Room.
I am excited.
This heralds the paradigm shift this year has been building toward. More writing. Less editing. Less stress. More work with the people who support, inspire and encourage me.
For the first time since I returned to writing in late 2007, I am respecting and valuing who I am and what I have to offer. This year has taught me a lot about how I do a disservice to myself. No more cow-towing. No more destruction of my boundaries. No more saying yes when no is the answer. No more Ms Nice when people do the wrong thing by me. No more bending over backward to accommodate the needs of others, at my own expense. No more.
There will be more writing. More collaborating with the partners I love and admire. More writing. More dreaming big. More having two feet firmly on the ground. More writing. And hopefully, more opportunities to share those words with a bigger audience.
I could get used to the feeling of being free.