I chose to combine my daily cards with the oracle challenge.
. . .
Yes. Yes! It’s the third day I have pulled vitality. Stop thinking and act.
Today (Wednesdays as I’m late posting this) is the day I learn where I sit with my #postcardia. It’s been both pie-in-the-sky and a concrete path with a map. I’ve been caught in inertia about what happens next because I’ve had to visit a local printer for their advice on the possibility of reproducing non-reproducible work.
Haiku on point. Yes. Something new has flowered but only an inch to two.
Let’s see where to next.
. . .
Day 13 Your greatest fear
flecked with mud moonlight slanting cracking in the cold
Here is my fear of loneliness coming back to haunt me. Only I was in the darkest grip of its embrace when I pulled these cards. Like I’d sunk a bore into an artesian grief inside me and my tears refused to stop flowing. The water spiced with a persistent loneliness that stalks even in the brightest moments.
Cracked is a kind word for it. So is broken. The experience has left me raw and vulnerable. But like Demeter, who wandered her desolation crazed with grief, she was always on the cusp of the return of joy, abundance and creation.
heat waves shimmering
still not a butterfly
I have to say that this hasn’t made me feel better with time and reflection. The final line floors me. Still not a butterfly. For all that I’ve done, seen, explored, experimented with, felt, dreamed… whatever it was I yearned for as a child, I haven’t got there yet.
But what did I want as a child?
Perhaps it’s time to sit down and have a chat with Little Me for some clarity?
cold night a flash of lightning heat waves shimmering
I am The Unexpected
This always kind of floors me because what people find unexpected about me is that I am the same IRL as I am online. I am the same person sitting having a coffee, teaching a class of writers, standing in the supermarket queue or lying on the couch on a Sunday afternoon writing this.
When people say this to me, I’m always perplexed. Isn’t it hard or tiring to be different kinds of people in different situations? To curate different personaes?
. . .
The other side of this is – I truly light up and come alive when I’m newly struck with an idea and full of ‘new idea energy’. Apparently I glow. When I think of who I am, that’s my preferred option.
I’m also the girl with Mars in opposition to Uranus in her natal chart!
I live in the subtropics so we don’t have as defined shifts between seasons as places further south. We tend to have an almost violent and short transition between a very long summer and a quite short winter. Most of our flowering plants begin in late spring and go through summer. Two weeks ago we were sweltering and begging for a reprieve. Now it’s suddenly cold in the morning. Cold at night. So it’s with memories of spring as a kid, and poetic ramblings that I make today’s poem.
. . .
I read yesterday it was officially cherry blossom day in Japan. I didn’t realise that the blossoms last only a short time and that they are both a symbol of the fragility of life, but also of happiness.
The happiness connection made me laugh, because years ago there was a Japanese restaurant adjacent to the night club I frequented. It was called The Cherry Blossom and had a first floor balcony neon sign that was dodgey-as. I would walk out into the balcony of the nightclub and divine the lay of my emotional landscape from the functioning of the sign. The night I saw it emblazoned in its entirety was a pretty good night!I had come to think the sign didn’t have it in it!